New Year/Lenten Resolutions

I will not pluck my eyebrows to the point where I look like Marlene Dietrich on chemo drugs.

I will not talk to strangers about Mr. Bear as if he is real. Mr. Bear is real, of course, but on the principle of pearls before swine, not everyone needs to be let in on the secret.

I will read a poem a day.

I will learn to spell more hard words like "indispensable" and "restaurant".

I will not stay up until four in the morning watching back to back episodes of cheesy SciFi like Stargate Atlantis and BSG.

I will read happier literature, like James Herriot, and less depressing stuff like Hannah Arendt.

I will memorize one Psalm in Latin this year.

I will stop using the word "groovy" unless it is to mock hippies.

When there is something wrong with me, I will go to the doctor/dentist within two days of the pain becoming unbearable and not make my friends' lives miserable asking if I ought to go to the doctor/dentist.

I will not make disparaging comments out loud about "communist medical system flunkies" while he is fixing me.

I will not be envious of more popular bloggers like Kathy.

I will cease burning incense grains to my graven image of Mark Steyn.

I will not split infinitives (unless I am quoting or paraphrasing William Shatner).

I will stop shouting at the radio while the BBC guy is reading the news.

I will not shout at the memory of the BBC radio news whilst sitting on the bus thinking about it.