Helps for Post-Apocalyptic Housewives

Ted's suggestion that we eat each other when the time comes, is well noted. But of course, as Mrs. Beeton points out, what raises us from the level of the animal is that we, alone among God's creatures, do not merely eat, we dine.

With this fact in mind, Mrs Swift offers us the following serving suggestions, therefore:

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will
not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a
young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and
wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that
it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.

I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the hundred and twenty
thousand children already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed,
whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black
cattle or swine; and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of
marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will be
sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year
old, be offered in the sale to the persons of quality and fortune through the
kingdom; always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month,
so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at
an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind
quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will
be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.

I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a
solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28 pounds.

I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords,
who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title
to the children.