Wednesday, January 02, 2008

A bonus post

Thought I'd throw this up.

It is neither seasonal nor topical, but it is amusing. (It will be equally amusing, I hope, to find out who among my readers becomes offended, thus exposing themselves as humourless prigs whom I may mock and ridicule in public. Also, we will see who can spot what is sometimes, even among illiterate moderns, referred to as literary foreshadowing.)

A Conversation with a Facebook friend, dated Nov. 24.

FF: This sceptred isle is much better than Halifax, no?

HJMW: mmmm...

A veritable throne of kings, an earth of majesty, seat of Mars. Quite another Eden and demi-paradise as we have seen.

But the English cannot be allowed to make saussages. In the New Realm, when all things are properly restored, the Italians and Portugese will be in charge of sasuage making. The English may rear and slaughter the pigs and make bacon, but no saussages.

They make terrible saussages.

After all, we must do something with the wops to give them an occupation, as genocide will be strictly prohibited and also strongly frowned upon.

HJMW: AlSO, clearly, I do not know how to spell the English word for those little oblong meat things. It starts with an s and I know it ends in one too in the plural and there is at least one more in the middle, but everything in between is a blur.

Somewhat like the object itself.

FF: I have to confess that I like bangers (easier to spell than sausages, too!). I especially like English breakfasts. That is what made me seem possibly backwards in my personality quiz. I also like English cider and the myriad kinds of English creams. And fish and chips. And I think spaghetti is tiresome. Why do we have to have Italians? Won't they stay on their little peninsula? HB just told me that the best breviary to use is the Breviarium Monasticum whose 1961 edition is virtually unchanged from the book of centuries and contains no wet 19th century Italian saints--the revolting sort who were always going around making unattractive operatic gestures like kissing lepers' sores.

Just nice Benedictines.

HJMW: Yes, this country does indeed have some very nice Benedictines.


M. Alexander said...

Why not enslave the Islamo-fascists and relegate THEM to sausage-making!

They still believe in slavery. And slaves must do distasteful things or they will not fully be slaves. And they still consider pork unclean. Ask any woman who has had the pork recipes torn from her cookbook as she entered Saudi Arabia!

And believe me- the surest way to win the respect of the Islamists is not mercy but brutal force; which always precedes respect for the authority of their betters.

Then all will be right with the world.

Anonymous said...

The idea, Mary, is to get good sausages. English sausages are unspeakable.

We have other plans for the Islams.

M. Alexander said...

You made me laugh out loud.