Why I am "pro-life"

Ok, I admit it. I don't really like people. At least, I don't like people in the abstract...mostly. I don't like them in crowds, in cafes, in movie theatres, at church, in queues, at the post office, walking in front of me [almost always too slowly] on the sidewalk, walking behind me on the sidewalk, on the train, on holiday, and particularly not on the bus. Yes, I dislike bus people especially.

Of types of people I don't like, I think I like young people the least. I think I remember that I didn't like young people when I was one, and that feeling gets a lot stronger the further away you get from them. Young people on the bus are the worst. Unless it's old people on the bus.

[Actually, wait. I think I actually might like old people. If by "old" we mean someone born before it was considered acceptable for women to wear trousers in public. In Italy, it's harder to tell, especially with the women, because something weird happens to Italian women when they hit forty. They look more or less normal until suddenly, it is as if they've been put in a fruit drying rack for a month, kind of like those weird little doll things you used to see where the face was carved out of an apple and left in a cupboard. Some people say it's the cigarettes and some say it's the sun-worshipping, but something happens to them and it's pretty scary. So, while they may look old, they're probably just Newfangled people like everyone else, disguised as respectable old people. Of course, almost all of them under 60 dress like Latoyah Jackson, so it's easier to tell.]

I didn't like school, college or university because it meant I had to go and hang out with a bunch of humans every day. I had to listen to them talk, and they expected me to talk to them. It was awful.

When I started working, I found that the worst was the actual leaving-the-house part and getting on the subway. Except for the going to meetings part. That was worse than leaving the house. I endured meetings much the same way I endured the subway, by putting my head down, gritting my teeth and waiting for it to be over...sometimes I would look at the ceiling instead. The happiest part of my day came when all the other people in the office went home and I could get on with my writing in peace. I had a sign on the door of my office (the only one in the place with walls that went all the way to the ceiling) that said, "Go away." After a while, people started calling my office the Bat Cave, and giving it a pass.

I think I might be a "conservative" because it always gave me the willies when people starting making speeches about "humanity". How great "humanity" is. I've met humanity, on the bus, the train, the post office, the subway and at meetings. It isn't great. "Humanity" has brought us the joys and wonders of 50 million US abortions and the glories of no-fault divorce, feminism, consumer culture, and the global market. Humanity has always been a bastard. Only liberals talk about how great "Humanity" is, because they know they will never meet him.

In fact, the truth is, I never really have met Humanity. And neither have you.

People don't realise that they may have met lots of people, but never this weird concocted abstraction Humanity that has acquired a whole raft of "human rights" that seem to relate to no one actual human person and in the end appear to exist to stamp down on actual human persons. Particularly the very very small ones.

Of course, I was talking about not liking people. It's true that I like neither "Humanity" nor very many individual people. But I do like a few.

This is the essential difference between the "lefty" "humanitarians" who like to talk about how we will conquer "poverty" and "injustice" and "war" and "hate". Conservatives don't blither on about these things because they know that "humanity" doesn't really exist. Humans exist, that's for sure...there they are, in my way every day, talking too damn loud on the train when I'm trying to read, walking too damn slow and taking up too much room on the sidewalk when I'm trying to get somewhere. But "humanity"? Never met the guy.

This is really why these high-sounding leftoids like to talk about "human rights", it's easy because it's not really about anyone who can come along and call them on it. No one is ever going to show up at the United Nations and say, "OK, I'm Humanity, and I've been hearing all week about how y'all are defending me, and I've never heard of any of you yobbos coming to my village and building one single damn school."

Conservatives are interested in actual people. People they know, first of all. People in their families, people they work with, people they see every day. They care more about the guy who sells them their paper every morning than they do about this damned idiot "humanity".

So, I guess it is clear now that I am not "pro-life" because I am a "humanitarian".

And I'm not really all that keen on babies. If babies looked like this,



Or like this



I might be a little more keen. I know babies photograph fairly well, but that's only because in photos, they are not making any noise. And you can't smell them. Actual real life babies are horrible. Especially at church. And on the bus. And on a plane.

And besides, they will just grow up and become another damn human being who walks too damn slowly on the sidewalk...probably right in front of me when I'm trying to get somewhere.

No.

I'll tell you the reason I am pro-life. Why I know, beyond the reach of any personal feelings or preferences that you can't kill people to solve your problems.

Because God says not to.

That's it, really.