Tuesday, May 13, 2008

How to Improve the Roads, Drains and the Quality of Debate

I've decided to add something to my plan for world domination. I mentioned below that when Dave and Boris put me in charge of things in Cheshire, I would convert Liverpool into a vast re-education camp to try to teach certain groups of people things like the Laws of Rational Thought ("Repeat after me: you cannot both be in the room and not in the room at the same time") and how to cook traditional English food. They will be set to work making Liverpool a nicer place. The asphalt will be replaced with sandstone cobbles; all the houses will be equipped with gargoyles; every building put up in the last fifty years of the 20th century will be torn down and replaced with English Gothic churches and quadrangles...etc...

But one thing that I'm going to do that is very important and I think will catch on. I'm going to make sure that no one is allowed to speak in public unless he can do so in spontaneous iambic pentameter. I will put forward a bill in the House of Commons that no person may be elected to Parliament who cannot speak in rhymed heroic couplets.

This will improve nearly every aspect of British life and make Hansard much more interesting and fun to read.

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