Are you an oldie?

I really miss the Oldie. I used to buy it faithfully every month at the WH Smith's in Chester in front of the Clock.

If some of our UK readers want to do a nice thing, they would mail me a copy of a recent edition. I've worn out all the ones I brought with me.

I think I'm probably at least an honourary oldie. One day when I was a little girl, I was watching my grandma get ready for the day, and she was putting some white stuff on her face. I asked her what it was, and she said it was something that older ladies used to make themselves look nice. She said I could only start using it after I was forty. On my fortieth birthday, I marched straight out and bought my first pot of Oil of Oldie. It smelled just like her.

Take our quiz and find out...

1. When you hear of 'Big Brother', do you still think of George Orwell?

Ummm...yes. Of course. Is there something else I should think of?

2. Do you not only talk to yourself, but see nothing odd about it?

Don't know what you mean.

3. Do you know quite a lot of poems by heart?

Sadly, no. But I know some poetry enough to recite bits and to look them up on Google (which I think disqualifies me). And I remember my grandpa reciting Shakespeare. I wish I were older.

4. Do you spend more than an average amount of time in stationery shops?

And I buy note cards for thank you notes. And sometimes even send them.

5. Do you refer to 'the wireless'?

Well, no. But...

7. Are you obsessively concerned about the size and shape of spoons?

And forks too. I've been known to apologise for offering salad forks instead of cake forks for cake. And I know the difference between a teaspoon, grapefruit spoon and an egg spoon.

8. Do you mend clothes rather than throw them away?

Not only, but I can and do darn my socks.

9. Do you write letters?

Yep.

10. Do you still wind your watch up?

Don't have a watch. I have nice ticky clocks though, that run fast.

11. Do you know what a pronoun is?

And I get the joke, "Up with which I will not put!" a kind of grammar-nerd password.

12. Are there at least 10 people in your address book who are dead?

under five. But working on it.

13. Do you know any prayers apart from the Lord's Prayer?

Oh, come on!

14. Do you save string?

And tin foil, and plastic bags and brown paper.

15. Are you frightened of going to the Barbican?

sorry?

16. Can you waltz?

Yep.

17. Do you go around turning lights off?

Yes, but this has more to do with the hippies.

18. Do you clean your shoes with a brush and proper shoe polish?

Ummm... is there something else I'm supposed to use?

19. Have you ever been to a Japanese restaurant?

Oh. Well. Yes. Rather a lot actually.