Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Like, OMG! what's "Habeas corpus" anyway?

So, yesterday, I got to do one of my very most favourite things in the whole wide world.

I got to read Hansard! Woot!

And my confidence in the sober and responsible government of David Cameron's appointees continues unshaken.

Lord Vinson (who is one of those newfangled fake "Lords" Tony Blair invented) told the Ministrix of State for Security, "...hundreds of UK citizens are being compelled to appear before any EU court without the merit of the often frivolous charges being first assessed. They can be locked up without pre-trial.

"Is she not concerned that this totally overrides the ancient liberties of the British citizen enshrined in Magna Carta and habeas corpus? Will she assure the House that this will be resolved? It really is time that we started to say no to damaging EU legislation."

Another fake "Lord" (but real lawyer) rose to say, "Does not the Minister agree that habeas corpus is a process and not a principle? It is designed to make sure that a person who is in custody is there legally. If a European arrest warrant has been issued improperly, a writ of habeas corpus will succeed and, if not, it will fail. It is a simple issue and there is no conflict between the principles..."

The Hon. Ministrix giggled, stuck the tip of her little finger in the corner of her mouth and said, "My Lords, in this House of legal eagles I hesitate, as a non-lawyer, to get on to the grounds, but I understand that the principle of habeas corpus is indeed a legal remedy against unlawful detention...." (Oh good. So glad you know about it.)

"It is therefore right to say that the European arrest warrant in principle is compliant."

Well, it's obvious, right? Since it is a principle, the EAW simply must be compliant...because,like y'know, if it weren't then it wouldn't be y'know... like compliant or anything...innit?

I could almost hear her flipping her hair back and forth with her fingers while the grownups talked about all this boring legal stuff...

Reports that while the Lords were debating, the Ministrix of Security for the Home Office sent a text to her gir'friends saying, "I mean, OMG! wht language is that even? Latin?!"

remain unconfirmed.