Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Deathless dialogue

Been reading some great trashy vampire novels lately. Yes yes, I know, I'm the last to catch on and it's all a huuuuuge international marketing scheme aimed at 14 year-old girls...whatever. I just can't stop myself. It's like popcorn, you kind of eat it while you're waiting for dinner to finish cooking and then you find you can't eat dinner.

Oh well.

The first one is really bad. It is more or less 300 pages of the Anakin and Padme dialogue in those interminable scenes in the new Star Wars films:

"Oh Edward, I love you soooo much."

"No Bella, I love you more."

"No, I love you more."

"But Bella, I'm so bad, you shouldn't love me..."

"Oh but Edward, I love you too much to stop."

Then about page 320 something happens that is kind of like a plot with some conflict and villains and it gets briefly interesting. The end.

The second one is more like;
"Oh Bella, I'm so bad for you, I'm leaving."

"But but but Edward, I'll just die and get really depressed without you."

Doh! He left, now I'm really depressed.

Really really really really depressed.

So depressed I can't hardly talk.
100 pages later (we're learning something about pacing) Jacob the Coast Salish Indian werewolf steps in and forms a triangle and the Anakin/Padme dialogue starts again:

"Oh Bella, I love you so much and that Edward guy was a creep who left you. An undead creep to boot. If you love me instead I'll promise not to be undead."

"Oh Jacob, you're so nice to me and I was so depressed and I feel really bad that I don't love you as much as I loved Edward, but you'll do for now."

"Ooops, sorry Bella, turns out I'm a werewolf. But at least I'm not undead."

"Don't worry about it, Edward's back anyway, so I gotta go. See you.

I'm about 2/3s of the way through and I'm really hoping that something will happen soon that involves a Plot and perhaps some Villains.

I've already bought volume 3 in case I have trouble sleeping tonight.


Mark S. Abeln said...

Perhaps the relationship is the plot.

DP said...

I now feel much better about the pulpy sci-fi I own, so thanks for that.

Hilary Jane Margaret White said...

pulpy Sci fi is amateur hour in the world of escapist literature.

DP said...

Yeah, but I always was a Gong Show fan.

I like my villains villainous, my heroes heroic and my damsels distressed (before being rescued, natch).

Reading about other people brooding...not so much. I can (and do) do that myself and on my own time.

Anonymous said...

If it's that bloody bad ... what the Hell are you doing buying the third volume?!

Hilary Jane Margaret White said...

I can't stop!