"Your details are being passed to our enforcement officers."
Want to see the letter to the TV Licensing people?
Dear Television Licensing People,
Thank you for your very unpleasant threatening letter regarding the unlicensed status of this address. It was one of the first pieces of mail I received at my new home. In answer to your intolerably rude demands for money, threats and abuse, I thought of many possible replies, as you may imagine. But life is short so the simple truth must suffice: I will not now, nor will I ever purchase either a television license or a television.
The primary reason for this is that I have observed that the BBC is an evil organisation bent, apparently, on the sole aim of demolishing British culture, abolishing Christianity and degrading and bestialising the formerly noble and stout-hearted British people. This is an end for which I refuse to pay.
Secondarily, television in general is a soul-killing menace that turns a person into a docile, mindlessly consumerist puppet of the state, none of which I wish to become.
Thank you also for threatening to send the police 'round to harrass me, call me a liar to my face and generally humiliate me in front of my new neighbours. I was told that this sort of thing happens to citizens of this country a lot after 10 years of Labour government. Please be assured that if this should happen I will be recording all conversations on my digital voice recorder and making complaints of harrassment to the Members of Parliament and the press of my acquaintance.
I pray that this country returns soon to a modicum of its former stalwart Christian sanity and remain,
yours most sincerely,