The Keyhole of Europe

Malta's third Great Siege is coming.

"I’ve come to think of Malta as the 'keyhole' in the door of Christendom, as it once was of Europe. Malta’s position in the Mediterranean has made it one of the most important strategic bottlenecks. Its military significance has been acknowledged by every empire, from the Phoenicians, Greeks and Romans, to the Bonapartist French and the British who ruled it from 1800 to 1964. Who controls Malta controls the Mediterranean. And now, Europe’s keyhole has become a symbol, both to the Maltese themselves, and those who would see them again ruled by a foreign ideological power."

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Support Bilateral Symmetry! Take back the seas!

And about that cephalopod threat...

What about the "triassic kraken" hmmmm?

"I saw them come for the sperm whales, but I was not a sperm whale, so I did nothing. Then I saw them come for the walruses and other land/sea mammals, but I was exclusively a land-dweller so I didn't do anything..."

Repost:

And here, we have another example of why I exclusively support Bilateral Symmetry. I mean really, flying squid? 65 feet?! Seriously?!

I've said it before. Water reduces the effect of gravity on the things that live in it. This does nothing but encourage all manner of morphological excess. It is our duty to eat everything in the ocean.



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Octopus in love

Seen three in recent weeks, and each time I see one, I think the same thing: how can something be cute n'adorable and horrifying at the same time?





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The Maple Leaf Forever!

OK class, the rest of the day will be spent at the annual Santa Marinella Dominion Day party, where we will eat Canadian barbequed meats, drink Canadian beer and swim in the beautiful Canadian Mediterranean.

Those unable to attend are required to drink a minimum of one (1) beer and to sing at least one Canadian song of their choice.

Here's some help:
Stompin' Tom


Stan


That is all.



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Scandal

It's a venerable, wealthy, global institution, that delivers a monolithic set of doctrines to millions of totally unquestioning followers - followers who have never in their lives paused to question or consider alternatives - that for decades covered up the most loathsome sexual abuse of minors imaginable. This abuse was described by police as being "on an unprecedented scale," with a "staggering" number of potential victims.

In fact, it went further than a systematic cover-up. It actively worked, steadily and deliberately, to create social conditions in which such sexual behaviour was accepted. Even now, after the revelations have gone global, it has done nothing to change its doctrines and little to prevent the same kind of abuse recurring.

And yet, no one at the UN, the New York Times, the US Congress or CNN has demanded that the BBC be so much as defunded.

Funny that.



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And now the bad news

Some Maltese stats from the CIA World Factbook

Median age:
female 42.1 years (2014 est.)

Total Fertility Rate:
1.54 children born/woman (2014 est.)

They've got the European Disease.



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Gold and azure

Here's some pics I stole from Buzzfeed that show that golden heavenly radiance thing I was mentioning.





We were taken out to dinner by some Maltese friends in Rabat, and then took a stroll through the gates of Mdina, the ancient capital of the medieval nobles.

Which really does look like this:


And this:


And we rounded a corner to see this:



Here it is in the not-so-dry spring, with the wild mustard in bloom all around.

(In case you're wondering why I'm not using my own photos, I actually... well... forgot my camera. Yep, that stupid.)



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Dwerja

More of Dwerja.


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Close to heaven

I wasn't sure I would like it. I grew up surrounded by this:


So I was anticipating not really liking this too much:



All the pics and videos I looked at made me wonder the same thing. Are there any trees at all in this place? I've never lived in an arid or semi-arid climate. My American friend who came with me said that of course, as a Canadian, I would find such a desert-y environment a bit of a shock, and it was. But the photos and videos don't do justice to the place. And yes, there are trees, but not as many as I'm used to, and with so little water they don't grow very tall. The umbrella pines I'm used to seeing here only grow about half the height of their Italian counterparts, but still taller than me and enough to create oases of shade. But it's true that Malta makes even dry Lazio look lush.

But one of the first things that hits you when you land is the colour. At first it strikes you as a bit monochromatic. The entire place, every single thing built by the hand of man, from palazzos to highway retaining walls to garden sheds is made of the local honey-coloured limestone that they quarry in several spots around the islands. It's very soft, coming off on your hands and clothes as a fine dust, that makes everything you expose to the air gritty within minutes.

The lady who gave us the tour of the Knights of Malta hospital told us that when you want to paint on it, either just housepaint or frescoes, you have to treat it with oil to seal it first. And I spent a lot of time wondering how you dealt with the dust at home, which must simply pervade life in Malta. If you wanted to set up a business in Malta, a good venture would probably be a vacuum cleaner repair shop, since I bet the stone dust clogs em up pretty good.

The few things that are painted really stand out because nearly everything is left its native, glowy honey colour. We travelled all over the islands by bus, and I think we saw one green house and one pink house. And the indication that the Maltese really love that stone is that in many cases, when things are painted, they're painted to match the original colour. It's obvious that things often get painted, apparently only with a really heavy, enamel style coating, just to seal it and keep it from coming off on your clothes.



When you first see photos of Malta it seems a bit dull, this single colour for everything. But when you get there, you find immediately that it just makes the whole place glow with a warm light, that it takes the harsh glare of the sun and turns it into a kind of heavenly radiance. Someone needs to do some kind of psychology study on the effect of the Maltese limestone colour on the brain. It can't help but have some kind of calming, cheering effect. There's no way that colour isn't good for you.



And you better get to like it because, especially in Valletta, you are entirely surrounded by it. They make the sidewalks, the buildings and the roads, out of it. All the churches, all the palaces, your hotel room... everything. Walking through the little narrow streets of Valletta, that often terminate in stairs, you are walking along in your glowy golden dream, and glance down the street and get a glimpse of the deep azure of the harbour...




It makes you understand suddenly why gold and azure are used in icons to depict heaven. And when the sun slowly sinks and the light calms, the colour warms your very soul.

...

Oh yeah, and we went swimming and snorkelling here:

Dwerja and the Azure Window, where the water, directly under that stone arch, is terrifyingly deep.

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Going native

Dear Italy,
I'm really starting to come around on this whole air conditioning thing. Stomping around in the searing heat of Valletta on Wednesday, then a couple of hours in an airconditioned airport and plane, and PRESTO! my back has totally seized up, like Greenland pack ice.

Last year, a Chinese doctor in Toronto told me that lots of people flying back from warm Hong Kong in freezing cold airplanes to Toronto, wake up the next day and can't move.

Get used to the heat. It works better and you'll be healthier.



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