Friday, July 03, 2015

What would you do?

How do you deal with this problem: you have an old friend who wants to re-connect. You really care very much for this person. He has enormously good qualities and is loyal and decent, but he suffers from such ferocious anxiety and other emotional disorders - mainly caused by "family of origin issues" - that it makes him manipulative and in some ways actually kind of dangerous to know. A long time ago, you were pushed to making the drastic measure of cutting off all contact because of it all. It was very painful because for a while you'd been fairly close.

He isn't aware of the motives for most of his more difficult behaviour, and spends a lot of time fairly confused about why he can't keep his friends and relationships better. He suffers a lot because of the awful lies his evil brain tells him all the time.

When he's relaxed and not feeling threatened he is smart, fun, interested in the same kinds of things and a genuinely warm and good soul. On the side of the angels, and all that.

He's also very lonely because of his brain-troubles and has reached out to you on FB.

What would you do?



Chloe said...

Have a similar problem. If your own equilibrium is seriously disturbed by him you have to be very careful. But you know this. If you can keep the contact with him controlled and on your terms it might work. My friend was lonely and wanted to talk on the phone once a day, as I told her I'd did with another friend. However, she will now phone me up to nine times a day. Every time she thinks of something, she phones. I don't answer the phone, usually, more than once a day. But the incessant ringing is increasingly disturbing. To tell her would hurt her dreadfully and she's vulnerable. But I will have to, or go crazy. I'm afraid I wish I'd never agreed to this. I'll remember you at Mass today. It's a hard decision to make.

Hope the kittens are doing well?

G. Thomas Fitzpatrick said...

Pray for him. Other than that... .

Anonymous said...

From painful experience I would say, stay away unless you can place strict boundaries into place which you know you can maintain.


Lucy said...

For as long as you're unsure about it, don't do it. The pain of wishing/hoping you could have real friendship is something you offer up for this intention (ie knowing what to do), then you look away from it. Then, one day, you'll know what the right thing is. (I'm speaking from experience here. The part of you that misses him and has compassion for him is the part that will be exploited if he's still capable of it, which is why that's the part that has to be offered up. The anxious feeling that a decision must be made quickly is part of his training you to meet his needs.)

Mark said...

Is this the same gay friend you wrote about in that lifesite article? I'd stay away

Dymphna said...

He sounds rather demonized. I don't think it would work....not a lick. Life is wicked complicated and hard enough. I would under any circumstances bring back something you managed to untangle yourself from before. God might just be asking you to redouble prayers and sacrifices for the poor guy. Clearly, if he has a change in spirit....that's another story. And don't worry, you would know :)