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Thursday, December 01, 2011

True Joy


I've said this before, I think. When I'm in the studio concentrating on putting marks on paper, everything else that is going on recedes into the background, my mind becomes quiet and the usual howling mob of worries sit down en masse and goes to sleep in the corner like a good dog. I don't know if I would quite call it "true joy," being a religious person I know that I can hope for something even better than this in the future. But it certainly is the closest thing to peace I've ever experienced. Even prayer seems busy and worried in comparison.

Judith Kudlow is the lady who founded the Harlem Studio in New York with Andrea. She still teaches there.

Andrea has told me that I am ready to take the cast drawing class in April when she gets back from Australia.

This pleaseth me. But it launched me into a spiral of anxiety because I immediately thought, "I might not be here. I might die. Or I might still be doing the cancer thing."

My brain is not my friend.



~
at

2 comments:

  1. berenike12:37 pm

    When I'm in the studio concentrating on putting marks on paper, everything else that is going on recedes into the background, my mind becomes quiet and the usual howling mob of worries sit down en masse and go to sleep in the corner like a good dog.

    Exactly the same for practising. I played the organ for the first time in AGES last month, had a chance to practise a couple of times, and after one session walked away realising just how frazzled and edgy I'd been before I sat down and spent forty minutes entirely forgetful of everything except the phrasing of a piece of Couperin.


    I think it's a bit what Simone Weil meant when she writes somewhere (I've not read the book, just quotes in a review) about prayer consisting of attention, and that studying (or painting, or practising) aids prayer because it trains our attention.

    In which case, I ought to start practising again, now I think about it ...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tom in Vegas2:26 am

    Dear Hilary-

    You're NOT going to die. Take the class. You wont regret it. Praying for you~ Tom

    ReplyDelete

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