Sunday, April 11, 2010

Because I felt like it, that's why


Yes, we're back. As you can see, I've made a few cosmetic changes, and I'm going to be doing things slightly differently here, I hope.

Thanks to all the people who wrote asking to be allowed in during the refurbishment. If any of you feel inclined, you can just keep sending those "Oh Hilary you're so cool and smart, I want to join your club" emails, those were just great.

Truthfully, things haven't really been going well in the personal realm lately, so I am trying (yes, again) to effect a kind of re-focus. I thought a change would be as good as a rest, and in this case if the change means spending less time looking at the end of the world, and more time looking at the flowers and insects and birds and architecture and whatnot, that would be as good as a rest-cure.

I'm also taking a lot of B vitamins, and riding around a lot on my bike. The famous Tony Gray "Green Vegetables and Exercise" regimen that cures everything.

I realise that a lot of people who come here do so because of my uniquely acerbic take on the End of the World and All Good Things, but you're just going to have to go get your weird jollies elsewhere. This is a happy-place now, so bugger off.

You can see that I've trimmed down the sidebar links and labels, and added one that I think will become increasingly important, more on which in a bit.

I think I've found something really important that I didn't know about before. I've discovered something amazing about drawing. It shuts off the chattering part of your brain. It's a real left-brain verbal slap-down. Like someone has thrown a switch and shut off something noisy and irritating - like a top-40 radio station - that you were so resigned to, you hardly noticed any more how miserable it was making you. Seriously, drawing: it's better than any drug. Try it when you can't get your brain to shut up and let you get a word in edgewise.

So, there's going to be more on this drawing business; art and art theory, the revival of traditional, classical or academic styles, atelier methods, etc... that I've spent the last week or so reading about while I wasn't here saying clever things.

I'll level with y'all: depression, the actual clinical, not-enough-serotonin, anhedonic-no-fun-allowed-here, sleep-disturbanced, mood affective disorder has reached the "highly symptomatic" stage, and I just can't stand to look at the disasters so much these days. At least, not outside of working hours. (And before anyone gets started, due to a pre-existing condition, I'm contraindicated for the drugs, so just forget it. And for anyone who can't resist the urge to offer sympathy, advice, suggestions or commiseration - particularly in the form of their own stories - I'm sure there's someone out there you can talk to in real life, isn't there?)

So, anyway, I'm hoping this will be the new, warmer, fuzzier, friendlier O's P.

More pics. More art. More beautiful music. More laughs. More Italy (the nice bits). Maybe even more religion, though I'm a bit off it lately.

Generally more stuff that is not calculated to make me want to stay in bed all day with the blinds down and the covers over my head.

The apocalypse will just have to get on without me for a while.

I'm sure it will manage.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! Thanks for re-appearing.

-mary ann

BillyHW said...

I realise that a lot of people who come here do so because of my uniquely acerbic take on the End of the World and All Good Things, but you're just going to have to go get your weird jollies elsewhere. This is a happy-place now, so bugger off.

Oh Hilary, you break my heart.

:_(

BillyHW said...

What are B-vitamins supposed to be helpful for, anyways?

Hilary Jane Margaret White said...

B = brains.

if your brain doesn't work properly,

Bs.

Kathleen from Ottawa said...

Glad to see you back, but sorry to hear you're not feeling well.

Looking forward to more nature-art-and-architecture posts. I enjoy those a lot, actually!

Mark Scott Abeln said...

Ah! truth, goodness, and beauty! This reminds me of a well-known spiritual writer describing how best to catch flies.

Keep up with the art; it is good for me too.

Anonymous said...

"The apocalypse will just have to get on without me for a while."

We'll call on you when it gets real bad, if you don't mind. Meantime, yes more excursions to beautiful Italian churches please.

Welcome back, cheers,

Tom
NYC

Andrew Cusack said...

Welcome back already! Bout bloody time. I was becoming quite irate at your absence and my lack of means of communication avec toi. Considered carrier pigeon to Rome, but thought he'd get eaten by Moroccans or such.

John said...

Still no dissenting opinion. V. glad to have you back.

Cheers,

-John-

Felix said...

no bite? still glad to have ya back, anyhows

btw, I recommend listening to Back and Mozart (or, at least, the happy pieces)

Jon said...

Hilary,

As I tracked you down at work the last time you went AWOL, this time I figured, "Give her a few days. If she's like my wife, she'll rearrange the furniture and come back again, good as new." And you did.

John J. said...

I just have to say, I'm a huge fan of this project. I always leave Lifesite behind me at the end of the day, and I read poetry, and good novels or philosophy, and write mystery fiction, and play the piano. It's the only way to keep a healthy balance. And I LOVE "art and art theory" and the "revival of traditional, classical or academic styles," and "flowers and insects and birds and achitecture." And all the beautiful photos of the castle were an excellent start. They make me jealous of course, but are quite beautiful. So, anyway, keep drawing, and telling us about it, because drawing is the one thing I can't do at all, and wish I could.

Karen Howes said...

Hilary, glad you're back, and sorry for the icky time you're going through. Depression sucks, period.

Anyway, I'm a regular reader, though quiet, and look forward to the beautiful fun stuff you're going to do. God bless.

hyoomik said...

Some drawings, please.

Anonymous said...

When your blog was set to invitation only, I wanted to send an email begging to allowed into the Cool Kids' Club, but I didn't know your email address.

The B-vits, exercise, green veg and drawing thing sounds like a great idea. You might want to try omega-3 fish oils, too. Good luck!

Elinor

Agellius said...

I thought of sending a request to be invited, but after last time I figured you'd be back before too long.

I totally understand your decision to ignore the apocalypse. I made a similar decision a few years ago to stop watching news, for I think the exact same reasons: It would depress and anger me, yet for all my depression and anger nothing changed. So why bother myself about it?

In that case why did I visit your site? For the same reason I enjoy reading Ann Coulter: Because you make the ones hastening the apocalypse look ridiculous, and that is comforting somehow.

Anyway I plan to keep visiting. I have always enjoyed your Italy pics and descriptions and stories, as well as the Wednesday Purcell.

God be with you.

Anonymous said...

Hilary,

Any one with chronic depression ABSOLUTELY MUST look into the works of a whole slew of doctors, who have found that about 50% of the cases of chronic depression are due to hypothyroidism, which has not been diagnosed, because, they report, the tests used to diagnose hypothyroidism are flawed, and miss some. Best of all, they have found that these cases get cured when the thyroid is properly treated.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/hypothyroidism-dont-suffer-in-silence-414738.html

http://www.tpa-uk.org.uk/index.php

If you find it hard to believe, consider that a fair number of cases of high cholesterol also clear up when hypothyroidism is correctly treated. Between the anti-depressants and the statins, there's a huge and influential lobby for keeping the definition as it is, the facts and patients be damned.

Follow this, and you have a 50% chance of getting a new lease on life.

Steven