Wednesday, September 23, 2009


I've been saying it for years...
Pandas: let's just eat the idiot-bears

Let’s look at the facts here. A lot of conservationists argue that pandas are the victims of man’s actions, that urbanisation and industrialisation is killing the precious bamboo they need to live.

Eh? Bamboo? They are bears, but they eat leaves. Hello, excuse me? Panda bear. Bear. You know, large, aggressive carnivore. Big teeth, claws. Grrrr. You’re supposed to eat meat. What on earth is with the bamboo thing?

A panda’s digestive system is still set up to digest meat. The reason they can only eat only one of the hundreds of different types of bamboo the world has to offer is that their guts aren’t supposed to break down bamboo. It’s elevating fussiness to the level of suicide. It’s like me eating only car tyres and gravel and then asking for sympathy when I starve to death. Idiots.

As I've said, any animal that refuses to reproduce and only eats one kind of food deserves to get voted off the genetic island.

I don’t see foxes complaining about cities. Rats seem able to cope with cities rather well. Countless other species seem to be able to deal with a changing world without going bleating to the WWF. This is evolution: adapt or die. Being cute and fluffy doesn’t give you any special rights, fatso.

And I don't like baby seals either.


Anonymous said...

I think they should establish chapters of Canons in the major churches in Canada (not too many of those) and give them the right to wear a mozzetta trimmed in baby seal. It would be very patriotic.


Hilary Jane Margaret White said...

Or panda. Or maybe beaver.

Yeah, beaver.